Choosing a school for your special needs child can be a difficult experience. Will their needs be met? Will the teachers be patient and understanding? Will your child be able to make friends? Will they be able to communicate what they need? Will they feel left out from activities while the other children run and play with their friends?
Tay started at daycare, “big girl school”, in August 2014. I was a nervous wreck and she was excited for her independence. How would the children handle her inability to speak? Would her throat stoma scare the children? Will they understand that she is just like them and only wants to play and have fun? I like so many other parents sat in my truck waiting for a glimpse of her on the play yard. It broke my heart. The children ran away from her pointing. After her three hours were up I went inside to rescue my baby and she cried. She did not have a good first day and this made me angry. My wife and I wanted to come in and speak to the kids about Tay. We wanted to explain that she was just like them. There is also a deaf boy in her classroom and this was one of the reasons we chose this program. She could have a friend she could talk to with her hands.
After a horrible first day my wife spoke to the teacher. She told her that she had a few games she would like to try with the children to help them accept Tay as a new friend. Off we went to Target to buy bags of trinkets to bribe toddlers. I thought this was a horrible idea. We shouldn’t have to give kids small presents so they are nice to our daughter. Jessie took in noise blocking headphones for the children to try out to see what it was like to be deaf. They did not like the inability to hear. Then she had them play the quiet game and gave them picture boards to see how well they could communicate without speaking. All in all the kids had a good day and were excited to see their friends again the next day. Tay didn’t have any issues at daycare after that first day. The children love when it’s her turn for snack day. They like playing with her iPod touch to make it talk. They run from her on the playground and it’s not out of fear. They are playing tag.
I still wonder what the future holds when real school starts. I wonder if it’s better to put her in a special school for the deaf so everyone speaks her language. I wonder if she would still be a social outcast because of her stoma. I wonder if any special needs child will ever have a real school experience and be treated like all of the other kids. Does it get easier as they get older? Do we put them in the public district and pray they have a teacher who cares and an accurate and enforced IEP? What do we as parents need to do to ensure that our kids always have the best opportunities possible?
With the challenges of moving to find the best possible medical treatment for my wife during her cancer battle the decision was made to home school our daughters. There was a lot of stress from moving across the country 3 times in as many years, trying to find a new schedule, and flat out trying to find our place in this new world of starting over. I’m glad that we went with that decision for several reasons. My daughters were home to spend time with their mother and our school work only took 3-4 hours in the morning to complete. Bella was able to catch up from an educational standpoint without the distraction of other children at school and my ability to focus directly on her needs. I no longer needed to fear how Tay would be treated or educated. She might have been the only child in her graduating Kindergarten class, but she earned that number 1 spot! School was a fun experience for her and she’s developed a love for learning. There will always be the question of which route is best, but we think that for now we’ll stick with home schooling. Once she is able to effectively communicate her thoughts on her own without the need for someone to translate her ASL we will look at the subject again. She would hardly stand out now as it seems all you see in society is children typing away into their phones. Maybe I’m putting too much thought into it because she is my precious daughter. I know that no one is going to care as much as her mother and I do for her educational needs and to be integrated with other children. I know that being away from Momma would have been much too stressful this year. I know that every parent with a special needs child faces the same questions, but I think that we’ve found the right solution for our family.
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